


Charlie Finds Mac a Boyfriend

by Masterofkarate



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Also pcp, Canon typical alcohol use, M/M, canon typical drug use (inhalant use specifically), dee is gay af, semi-slow burn (well for me)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16913181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterofkarate/pseuds/Masterofkarate
Summary: Frank wants to find Mac someone to crush his soul (because that's what love's all abt, obviously), Dennis wants Mac to stop cockblocking him, Dee wants to nose her way into every scheme, and Charlie just wants Mac to fall in love like he deserves.





	1. Hopeless Romantic Shit

“It's such a damn shame,” Frank said as he flopped down on the couch next to Charlie, who was watching the security tape of Mac's dance for the thousandth time since Frank purchased it from a guard at the prison. “Poor kid came out to Luther months ago and still hasn't found anyone better than Dennis to break his heart.”

“Yeah man,” Charlie answered.

“The guy's like a lovesick puppy. We gotta find him someone to date to crush his soul, so he knows what love is really like.”

“Wait? Crush him? What're you talking about?”

“Don't act like you don't know, Charlie, you did the whole love thing, no how bad it sucks. Now Mac ain't got a lot of money, but he's looking pretty good lately. Since he's gay, he can probably just be the chick who uses a dude for money. Sucks for the chick too, you know, they gotta put up with a lotta freaky sex shit. And tons of cheating.”

“Wait, wait, wait, what're you talking about? Yeah, things between me and the waitress ended bad, but I still think love can be cool. Why don't we just find someone nice for Mac to date?”

“Cut it with that hopeless romantic shit, love never ends well, rarely starts well.”

“But then why would we want to make Mac do something that sucks?”

“Equality, Charlie! Even gay dudes deserve to know the rush of destroying someone you thought you loved slowly over time!”

“You've got love all wrong! What about Roxy?”

“The dead whore? That was all jealousy and lust!”

“You're a bitter old man, Frank!”

“Maybe, but we should still find Mac someone who'll break his heart.”

“You do that, I'll find Mac someone to actually fall in love with.”

Frank tried to continue his anti-love rant, so Charlie suggested a rousing game of Night Crawlers. They turned off the TV and wrapped themselves in blankets and played until they were both tired enough to go to sleep. 

The next day, Charlie started his quest. He started by interrogating Mac when they were alone in the bathroom, but in a nice way with no pseudo-torture. Asked if he'd been on any dates, what his type was, if he was a top or a bottom, what he masturbated to, if he liked bears since he was so obviously a twink, and so on. Naturally, Mac got annoyed enough with the invasive questioning to leave in a rage.

Obviously, that didn't go well. Onto his next best source, Dennis.

“Hey Dennis,” Charlie said as he left the bathroom just moments after Mac. “Frank said we gotta talk about the books today, meet me in the office?”

“What the hell do you guys gotta talk about not around me?” Dee immediately argued.

“You're just the waitress!” Charlie shouted immediately, on edge from his failed conversation with Mac.

“And you're just the janitor!” Dee shot.

“Shut up, Dee! If Frank wants me and Charlie to go over the books, we will,” Dennis said in a surprisingly calm tone.

“How the hell is Charlie supposed to go over the numbers when he can't even read them?”

“I can too!” 

“Okay, okay, enough!” Dennis shouted. “Charlie, let's go in the office.”

And so Charlie hurried to the office before he and Dee could fight some more and Dennis joined him, locking the door behind them.

“This is about Mac, isn't it?” Dennis asked immediately.

“How'd you know?”

“You're a terrible liar. Mac just left the bathroom shouting about you, plus Frank would never want the two of is discussing the books together.” Dennis shook his head fondly before asking, “So, what's up?”

“I want to find Mac a boyfriend. Frank was going off about love not being real and shit and how Mac deserves to know first hand but I think Mac should find real love.”

“Well, first off, Frank's right. Love's not real. But yeah, I'll help. It'll get Mac to lay off me for a bit. I haven't been able to get laid in forever because he's  always cockblocking me. What's the plan?”

“I dunno, dude. I was trying to figure out what kinda guy Mac likes, but Mac like totally stone walled me back there. I thought, since he's in love with you, you could help me figure it out.”

“Knowing he's in love with his best friend for more than twenty years who may read as queer because he doesn't shy away from femininity because he's secure in his masculinity is not enough evidence to find Mac's type.”

“Okay, but like, I'm his best friend too and he's not in love with me.”

“Yeah, because you're disgusting. And you do not come off as gay in any way. You barely come off as straight.”

“I don't need your help if you're just gonna shit on me!” 

“Hey, hey, I'm just trying to be objective and honest.” 

“Fine, okay. So talking to Mac didn't help and you don't think we should find out what he likes about you,” Charlie sighed and shrugged. “What should we do?”

“We'll do what we do best, we'll devise a plan of attack. Work with me and we'll get Mac laid in a week tops.”

“What if he's not a top?”

“Don't be disgusting, Charlie, not what I meant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> charmac is endgame, i promise.


	2. They give up on a wingman scheme real quick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Mac go to a gay club and don't really like it much.

And so the plan was set. Charlie was to take Mac out to a gay bar, Woody’s, one he’d never been to before (to the best of their knowledge). Both Charlie and Dennis thought that a new environment would be helpful to get Mac out of his shell.

Deciding who should go with Mac was a rough decision.

“Okay, so I definitely don’t think we should just drop Mac of at a gay club alone, that’s kinda mean,” Charlie said when Dennis suggested they bring him there and drive away.

“Yeah, but I’m the worst wingman for Mac. He’ll spend all night trying to grind up on me and getting pouty when other hot gays pick me over him.”

“Well, I don’t know who the hell would pick you over Mac anymore, but good point. I could be a man with wings for a night, I guess.”

“See, that’s exactly why you shouldn’t wingman, you don’t even know how to have a regular conversation without getting confused with whatever kind of fantasy world you live in.”

“First of all, winged men are real! Not fantasy!” Charlie took in a deep breath to calm himself down, not wanting to get caught up in an unnecessary argument. “But like, I could do it! What I gotta do? Tell strangers why Mac’s cool! I can do that!”

“You do have enough hype for it,” Dennis tapped his chin as he thought. “I suppose you’ll work. But we’ll need to go over some key phrases.”

“Or I can wear a ear piece! You can tell me what to say!”

“No, no, no. Whenever you get involved in spying bullshit things go south. You get all excited and end up pulling some sort of backstabbing wild card bullshit and think it’s okay.”

“Well, I  _ am  _ the Wild Card.”

“Enough! Listen, you’ll be the wingman. I’ll give you some key phrases to use, all you gotta do is remember them and play it cool.”

And so it was decided.

Next was getting Mac to the club. They decided on using a boys night as a rouse. Dennis drove Charlie and Mac around. Charlie drove shotgun so that Mac wouldn’t be too distracted by their surroundings. They were jamming to music as Dennis drove around, strategically making sure that Mac wouldn’t know they were by Locust street until they were at the club.

“Alright, I’ll find some parking,” Dennis said as he pulled up to a corner.

“Yeah, let’s go!” Charlie said, jumping out of his seat.

Mac followed him, looking around in confusion. 

“Hey, where are we? Aren’t we near the Rainbow?” Mac asked.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re not going there, promise,” Charlie said. He put his hand on Mac’s shoulder, guiding him towards the line in front of Woody’s.

“What’re we doing here?” 

“We’re going to a club, Dennis is going home. Just you and me tonight, dude!” Charlie said with a bright grin.

“What? Why? No, no, I don’t want to-”

“C’mon! You’ve been out for forever now! You gotta have some fun, let loose, fall in love! All that good shit!” 

“And what, you’re here to help me find a dude to bang?”

“That’s me!”

“Why you? Don’t you think Dennis would be more well suited?”

“Dennis? No, pshhh. He doesn’t know shit about your taste!”

“And you do?”

“More than he does!”

They were already standing in line. And screaming at each other.

“Hey, hey,” Mac said as he noticed people looking at them. Self-awareness was definitely not his strong suit, but right now, he seemed to have a hint of it. Mainly because he was around a lot of queer people with his straight best friend and it was super scary. Like mixing two parts of yourself that barely know about each other. Plus, he was cool if random people didn’t like him, but if queer people didn’t like him… where would he belong? “It’s cool, you’re right. You probably know my taste way better, you’re my best friend.”

“Yeah I am!” Charlie agreed with a satisfied smile.

Mac laughed in a genuine way, a throw-your-head-back kind of laugh, because it was actually really nice to be spending time alone with one of his best friends in a way that seemed to be genuinely encouraging his sexuality without making him feel weird about it.

They hyped each other up as they waited in line. It wasn’t too long of a wait. They discussed how long it had been since they’d actually been out to a club, or any bar that wasn’t their own. Especially just the two of them. They were both pretty excited.

When they got inside, they looked around at the bar. It was pretty packed. Neither of them knew how they would even get a drink. 

“Do you wanna go upstairs? Check out the dancefloor?” Charlie suggested. Charlie was always ready to dance.

“You know what, let’s do it!” Mac agreed. 

And so, they went up the stairs. Charlie first, followed by Mac, up the narrow, dark stairways.

“Holy shit,” Charlie had to shout to Mac when they walked into the huge dancefloor room. The lights were a blue-tone. The music was so loud Charlie could feel it in his hair (can your hair feel things?). The bar up here was packed too. There were people everywhere, flush up against each other.

“Yeah man,” Mac shouted back. He put his hand on Charlie’s back and led him to the bar. “Let’s get a drink first.”

“Yeah, I’d rather be drunk to dance!” Charlie screamed.

“What?” Mac screamed back.

Charlie shook his head.

When they got to the bar, Mac screamed his order at the bartender, ordering them both a shot and a beer. They took the tequila shot together and headed to the dancefloor with beers in hand.

They both stood at the edge of the dancefloor, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot as they sipped their beers, looking around at the people around them. Everybody else was dancing and enjoying themselves freely.

Charlie was too busy on business to have fun. And Mac was actually a

nervous.

“Hey dude, relax, have fun!” Charlie shouted at Mac, who furrowed his brows and then smiled and nodded in the way that you can’t hear somebody but don’t want to go through the bother of them repeating themselves.

Charlie closed his eyes and began to focus on the music and enjoy himself as he danced to the music. For the most part of an entire song, he just danced and enjoyed himself. Maybe him relaxing could relax Mac too. But he felt himself be hit by a karate chop of Mac’s.

He opened his eyes to see Mac doing that weird half-karate, half-dance choreography he does. 

“Dude! Cut that out!” Charlie shouted at Mac, shaking his head.

“Like my sweet moves?” Mac shouted with a grin, repeating his actions.

Charlie shook his head and caught one of Mac's karate chops with his hand.

“Come on, dude!” Mac shouted.

“Just relax man, have fun, don't be weird! I'll find you a boyfriend!” Charlie screamed.

Mac rolled his eyes and moved his hands down to his sided as he began to sway awkwardly again. Charlie grinned and bobbed.

He turned to the closest man to him and pointed at Mac, “That's my friend! He's gay!”

“Cool, so's my boyfriend,” the dude shouted back before walking away.

“And I'm being weird!” Mac huffed.

“This would be way better with wings!” 

“Wanna go get wings?”

Well, those weren't the kind of wings Charlie was talking about, but damn wings sounded good. So, despite having paid a cover charge and too much for two drinks, the men walked down the stairs and out onto the street.

“Sorry I'm a shitty wingman,” Charlie said when they were outside, he was still shouting a bit though, as his ears felt clogged with the sound they had already left behind.

“It's cool man,” Mac shrugged. “I'd rather have wings than a wingman right now anyway.”

“Yeah, it was a weird crowd too, young, huh?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah, maybe they're doing an underage scheme!” Mac suggested.

Charlie was about to respond when they both heard screaming from behind them, a woman calling their names. Dee.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Charlie shouted as he whipped his neck around to look at Dee.

“I'm helping with the wingman thing,” Dee told them, breathing heavily as she caught up to them.

“You asked Dee to help? And approved that outfit! She's an embarrassment!”

“I did not ask for Dee's help! And what's with the gettup?”

“This? I don't know. It's a gay bar, I thought I looked good,” Dee said, looking down at her outfit. She was in a leather jacket and combat boots to match with a short sleeve button up and booty shorts. She looked like the straight girl's version of butch. And to anybody other than the gang, she looked hot. “Anyway, I heard you and Dennis in the office. And I knew you'd be a terrible wingman, so I wanted to be backup. And I was right!”

“But you didn't help!” Charlie shouted at her.

“Yeah, but I can now! Wanna go somewhere more chill? Somewhere more your speed?”

“No we're giving up on the wingman thing tonight,” Mac answered.

“Yeah, we're gonna have chicken wings instead!” Charlie answered with a grin.

Dee hummed and tapped her finger on her chin before pointing down the street towards a bar in the distance.

“Check that place out, they serve good food. It's more low-key. Probably can find some good gays with a calmer vibe there.”

“Yeah? How would you know?” Charlie challenged.

“Yeah! What do you know about the gayborhoor?”

“More than you boners do,” Dee laughed. She shook her head and said, “You do whatever you want, I was trying to help. I'm gonna go dance my ass off in that club again. I was getting mad attention.”

And then Dee was off.

“Dude, is Dee gay?” Charlie asked when Dee was far enough away not to hear them.

“I feel like as a gay man, I should know, but I don't know man. Maybe just wants attention.”

“Eh whatever. Wanna check out that bar and grab some wings?” Charlie asked.

“Let's go,” Mac said with a shrug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dee is gay.


	3. The wingman scheme fails twice in one night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to the bar Dee suggested and it results in an argument between these two assholes.

The second bar was much quieter. It was pretty full, but not packed to the brim. Charlie and Mac sat themselves at a hightop table, not wanting to bother finding a bar seat.

“Ay, this is a better crowd, huh?” Charlie asked as he looked around.

“I guess,” Mac said as he glanced behind him. “I don’t know man, this feels way too forced.”

“No, no, no, this is how you find a boyfriend!” Charlie insisted. He rose his brow and suggested, “The bartender’s kinda hot. Maybe go after him?”

“And be the gay version of you and the waitress? No thanks.” Mac rolled his eyes.

“Listen, I don’t know man, I just…” Charlie huffed and slammed his fist on the table. Just as their server approached the table. Mac and Charlie ordered a pitcher of beer and some wings. 

“So why’re you on this new kick of getting me a boyfriend anyway?” Mac asked when the server walked away.

“Because like, you never got to fall in love with someone, dude! And everybody deserves to fall in love!”

“Like it worked out so well for you, huh? And what about Dennis or Dee? They’ve never really been in a real relationship, why don’t you try to get them hitched?”

“Well, maybe not everybody deserves it, but you do. And like, yeah, things with the waitress sucked mostly, but that first time I banged her after years of trying was awesome. And that date she took me on when she thought I had cancer was cool too.”

“You seem like the least qualified person to find someone for me.”

“I’m the only one in the whole gang who knows anything about romance!”

Just then the server arrived with their pitcher of beer and two glasses. Mac poured them as Charlie looked around the room.

“Eh, that guy over there,” Charlie said, gesturing with a head nod towards a pool table. “He’s cute, go play a round with him.”

“I can’t just go up to a dude and start playing pool with him and segue into banging, we don’t even know he’s gay.”

“He’s at this bar, Dee said it was a pretty gay bar.”

“You’re at this bar too.”

Charlie hummed in thought and nodded. He then took a long sip from his beer and jumped up, walking over to the pool table.

“Charlie, no, no, no,” Mac said, following close behind Charlie. “Wait a minute.”

But it was too late. Charlie had already approached the man with a grin.

“Hey dude, what’s up! I’m Charlie,” he pointed behind him towards Mac, “This is my gay friend, Mac.”

“Oh, um, hi,” the guy said, obviously uncomfortable.

“We just wanted to know, are you gay?”

“Am I gay? No.”

“Oh too bad, have a good day!”

“I am bi, though.”

Charlie looked back at Mac, who shrugged. 

“Okay, that’s good,” Charlie said to the guy. “Wanna bang Mac?”

“No, I’m good,” the man playing pool said, turning away from them to take his shot.

Charlie sighed and shrugged. 

“Sorry man,” Charlie said. “He doesn’t want to bang you.”

“Yeah, I heard,” Mac said, shoving his hands into his jean pockets as they turned back to walk towards their table.

“I don’t think it’s you, though.” Charlie said with a reassuring smile as he sat down. “Don’t worry, you’re super hot, it’s probably just a bi thing.”

“Don’t be a dick, dude. It has nothing to do with that guy being bi, it’s you. It’s because you’re an asshole.”

“I’m an asshole?” Charlie shouted, looking around in shock. “Oh  _ I’m  _ the asshole! Just trying to find my buddy someone to love and I’m an asshole!”

“Charlie, shut up!” Mac shouted at him. “You are being an asshole! You can’t just go up to random people and ask if they’re gay and if they want to bang me! And now you’re screaming in the middle of the bar!”

“I’m screaming? You’re screaming!” Charlie shouted back.

“We’re both screaming!”

“Then we’re both assholes!”

“You’re a way bigger asshole than me!” 

Charlie screamed wordlessly, chugged his beer, and then left without another word.

Mac chugged the rest of his beer, slammed some cash down on the table, and followed Charlie.

“C’mon, Charlie, calm down!” Mac called after him.

“Calm down? I’m trying to be a good friend and you’re just calling me an asshole!” Charlie shouted as he stopped walking to turn around.

“I didn't mean you were an asshole, you were just acting like one,” Mac answered, voice reaching a reasonable level as he got closer to Charlie.

“That's not better!” Charlie answered, still shouting.

Mac closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose to calm himself.

“You're supposed to be helping me out, but you're making me feel like shit,” Mac said as he opened his eyes to look at Charlie again.

“I'm not trying to make you feel like shit, man. You were right. I'm not quantified or whatever. This is like something Dennis should be doing, but like I didn't want you to not think other guys weren't better enough than him.”

“Why would I compare other guys to Dennis, he's not even gay.”

“And the waitress hated me, I was still in love with her.”

“Good point.”

“Sorry, man. I know it sucks.”

“Sure does.” Mac said quietly.

“Wanna grab some Wawa and go back to the bar? Get wasted for way cheaper than up here?”

“Why not?” Mac shrugged.

“Sucks we never got those wings,” Charlie said.

“Wawa’s got buffalo chicken fingers now. That's good enough.”

“What are those anyway? Like is there a half buffalo, half-chicken animal that has human hands?”

“No, definitely not.”

“I don't know why else they'd call them that.”

“Let's not fight again tonight, Charlie.”

“Alright, yeah. I'll let you know if I find one of those hybrids, though.”

“Where the hell would you find that?”

“The back of Wawa, where they keep the animals.”

Mac laughed and shook his head fondly before quickly changing the subject, knowing if he tried to correct Charlie again, they'd probably argue despite both agreeing not to.


	4. It's all about love!

“Okay, okay, so tell me again,” Mac laughed, shaking his head, “What made you think I’d even like that dude? He was like half hour age!”

“Isn’t that like a thing, like don’t some people find that hot?” Charlie laughed loudly. 

An hour had passed since they left the second bar, and their Wawa chicken tender hoagies were gone and Paddy’s inventory was short a six pack of Yuengling and they were alone in Paddy’s, where Frank had apparently closed up earlier that night. 

“I don’t want to look like a moron in front of a dude half my age when we’re in bed, that’s even more embarrassing!”

“Eh, it’s not that bad!” Charlie shrugged. “And you wouldn’t look like a total moron, it’s not like you’re a full on virgin, just a dude virgin.”

“I’m not a dude virgin either.”

“Oh, so you  _ have _ banged dudes?”

“Let’s not do this,” Mac rolled his eyes. “Go get us another six pack.”

“Not until you tell me who you banged!”

“Fine, I’ll get it,” Mac answered, standing up to walk around to the other side of the bar.

“Dude, don’t be shy, it’s just me! You know about everybody I’ve banged!” Charlie argued.

“Yeah, ‘cause I can list them with the fingers on one hand!”

“What? No you can’t! That doesn’t make any sense!” Charlie brought his hand to his face to study it.

“Never mind, forget it,” Mac rolled his eyes, hating when his humor was lost on Charlie. He climbed back onto his bars tool, dropping the six pack in front of them and pulling out his own bottle.

“Whatever, man. I just think it’s messed up you won’t tell your best friend about your dude bangs! You used to tell me about the chicks you banged!”

“Yeah, ‘cause I was trying to prove how straight I was.”

“Okay, fine, then how would you embarrass yourself in front of that young dude?” 

“Because, like, I’ve banged dudes, but few and far between,” Mac admitted with a shrug.

“So you think you gotta be a slut to bang a young dude?”

“Charlie, that’s such a gross way of wording it!”

“I’m just being real! Plus, it’s not just about banging! If I was just trying to get you banged, I would’ve had Frank pay for somebody way hotter than that guy at the bar!”

“Then what’s this about?” Mac laughed, shaking his head.

“Love! It’s all about love!” Charlie screached as he slammed his beer down so hard on the bar the glass bottle broke beneath his hand. 

“Shit, Charlie!” Mac said.

“Eh, it’s cool!” Charlie said. He lifted the bottle in the air and held his head forward, trying to make the beer pouring out land in his mouth.

“You’re gonna get glass in your mouth!” Mac said, reaching out to karate chop the bottle out of Charlie’s hand, and missing.

“It’s good, it’s good,” Charlie said in an incomprehensible manner as he kept his mouth open as to not miss the beer.

“Stop that!” Mac said, repeating the karate chop, this time hitting Charlie’s hand, forcing Charlie to drop the bottle, it shattering on the bar even more.

“Dude! C’mon, now I’m definitely gonna get glass in my mouth if I lick that up!”

“Then don’t lick it up!”

“Oh then how else are we gonna clean it?”

“A rag!”

“Oh.” Charlie was no longer shouting. He nodded in a agreement. He grabbed another beer, twisting the cap off of that and said, “Cool, we can do that later.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Mac mumbled.

“Why did you break a bottle?” Charlie asked.

“I didn’t break shit! You got all excited about love and slammed it down on the bar!’

“Oh yeah! It’s about love, Mac!” Charlie said, remembering where the were out in the conversation. 

“Well, no offense, but I don’t want to find love just because you took me to a bar and asked a random dude to bang me.”

“Well how else are you supposed to fall in love? We don’t have any gay friends, or really any friends at all. We don’t really do shit, either.”

“I don’t know, when it happens, it’ll happen,” Mac shrugged. “I mean, you went for coffee one day and fell in the weirdest kind of love imaginable for like thirteen years and apparently it was good enough for you to want me to feel that way.”

“Yeah, okay, so we’ll go get coffee more often. On the gay street!” 

“No, that’s not what-” Mac tilted his head in thought, “Actually, not a bad idea, Charlie.”

“Yeah, I’m full of good ideas!” Charlie said with a self-satisfied grin. He leaned forward to lick some of the beer off the bar.

“Dude! No! Towel!” Mac said, putting his arm out in front of Charlie’s chest to keep him from reaching the bar.

“What the hell? You said I had good ideas!” Charlie said as he sat up straight again.

“Yeah, about coffee, not licking beer with glass floating in it off the bar!”

“Oh yeah,” Charlie hummed and sipped from the new bottle he’d already been drinking from.

“You’re such a dumbass sometimes,” Mac laughed.

“Well…” Charlie trailed off for a moment, failing at thinking of a comeback. “You’re a dumbass!”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s why we’re friends,” Mac said. He was too drunk to get fired up over something stupid Charlie had said. And touched and happy in such a weird way at the sentiment that Charlie had gotten across tonight, about wanting Mac to fall in love. One of the most touching sentiments any of his friends had extended towards him in a while, with the exception of Frank setting up his performance in the prison. 

“You’re my best friend, Mac.” Charlie said. It was simple. It was sincere. It was followed by Charlie reaching over to Mac on the barstool next to him, patting his shoulder gently.

“You’re mine too, buddy,” Mac said quietly, looking at Charlie with fondness. He loved Charlie with all his heart, in most moments, but especially in this moment. In a quiet, simple, sincere moment that was rare for them to share.

Charlie looked over with a lazy, drunken smile. He opened his mouth like he was about to talk when the front door to the bar swung open. 

Both men’s heads whipped towards the door that they swore they locked behind them to see Dee in her leather jacket and booty shorts, holding the hand of a shorter, brunette woman.

“What the hell is this?” Charlie asked in such shock that he stood up from his seat.

“None of your business, clear out of the bar, boners,” Dee said quickly, closing the door behind the girl.

“No, no, no, we don’t have to leave just so you can have weird, lesbian sex!” Mac shouted.

“Why’s lesbian sex weird, but gay sex isn’t?” Dee spat. She turned to the girl and pulled her close, whispering something in her ear that Charlie and Mac couldn’t hear before the women started kissing.

Charlie turned to Mac with a raised brow. Mac shrugged and nodded, scooping the half-empty six pack in one hand and his opened beer in the other.

The two men walked slowly out of the bar. Dee and the random girl didn’t even notice, too wrapped up in each other (in an almost literal sense) to care.

“Well now Dee’s gotta clean up that bottle!” Charlie said with a laugh once they were outside.

“Yeah, whatever. So I guess Dee is gay, huh?”

“Whatever,” Charlie answered with a shrug.

“Hey, I wasn’t ready to just go home and pass out. Wanna come hang at my place?”

“Yeah, Frank’s been gassy as shit lately because of some Schuylkill fishin’ he did last week, so can I stay over?”

“Didn’t need that detail, but sure!” Mac said. 

The two of them started down the street, openly drinking their beer all the way to Mac and Dennis’ apartment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dee really is gay, hmm?


	5. Wild Card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go back to mac & dennis' apartment and charlie pulls a wild card?
> 
> (tw for minor slur use (f slur and dyke)! but not in a hateful way!)

“Okay, okay, we gotta be quiet,” Mac said, his arm was around Charlie’s waist as they walked through the door of Mac and Dennis’ apartment. The cold air and finishing their previous beer had made the alcohol finally start to hit them. They weren’t quite drunk, but they were definitely getting there. “If we wake Dennis up, he’s gonna be a little bitch about it.”

“He’s a little bitch about everything!” Charlie said with no sign of watching his volume. “Isn’t his room soundproof or whatever anyway?”

“Only from the inside,” Mac answered with a shrug, letting go of Charlie once they reached the couch.

“Is that even…?” Charlie trailed off and looked up towards the ceiling as he thought about it.

Mac placed the pack of beer now only holding one bottle on the coffee table. He walked to the kitchen with the beer he was drinking in one hand and returned to the living room with a large bottle of Jim Beam in the other.

“Ayyy!” Charlie cheered.

“You can only have some if you learn to shut your mouth!” Mac whisper-screamed at him before flopping down on the couch right next to him.

“Whatever,” Charlie stage-whispered.

“Better,” Mac said happily as he placed his beer on the coffee table before opening the bottle of whiskey. Mac took a swig before handing the bottle to Charlie, who followed suit.

“Ahh, lots better,” Charlie agreed after his sip. He handed the bottle back to Mac who capped it and replaced it with his own beer bottle again.

“I can’t believe you were trying to get me gay laid tonight and Dee’s the one who got gay laid!” Mac said with an exacerbated sigh.

“Yeah, man, but technically I was trying to find you gay love, not just a bang.”

“It's still weird. Can't believe Sweet Dee's a dyke.”

“Dude you can't just say that!”

“Why not? I'm gay!”

“Yeah, but dyke feels wrong!”

“Frank called me a faggot!”

“Yeah, but that's Frank. And you  _ are  _ gay. We don't know if Sweet Dee's gay.”

“She's banging a chick right now!”

“But sex is weird man. You had straight sex and you're not straight.”

“That's a good point. Maybe we should investigate.”

“Eh, tomorrow. Pass me the whiskey.”

And so Mac did. He sighed and leaned back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling.

“Sorry for giving you shit about trying to find me a boyfriend or whatever. It would be kinda cool to have someone. Like to hold at night and shit.”

“Yeah, sorry I sucked at it. At least you got me tonight.”

“Yeah, you're right. But you gotta brush your teeth and piss before you get in my bed.”

“Dude if I brush my teeth, half of these things are popping right out.”

“Then do it gently!”

Charlie shrugged and took a big swig of the whiskey before capping it and putting it on Mac's lap. He let his head fall on Mac's shoulder. 

“You're not winning me over looking all cute and pathetic like that.” Mac grumbled.

“No shit, you're the one with he puppy eyes!” Charlie said with a laugh before sitting up and swiping the whiskey again to gulp from it. He wrinkled his nose and asked, “You guys got any good bleach around here?”

“C’mon man, you don’t need bleach tonight,” Mac shook his head and finished off his beer. “Let’s head off to bed?”

Charlie took another long swig of the whiskey before placing it down on the table and groaning as he fell back against the couch again.

“Not yet,” he groaned. “We never hang out just us!”

“We’ll hang out tomorrow morning, bud. I’m tired.”

Mac started to stand up. Charlie sighed and stood up along with Mac. He took his beer and disappeared into the bathroom, half-drank beer bottle in hand. After a few minutes, Charlie wandered into Mac’s bedroom, where Mac was already under the blankets.

“How come I gotta brush my teeth before bed and not you?” Charlie asked as he took a swig from the beer bottle, standing in the doorway.

“Because it’s probably the first time you’ve brushed your teeth all year. And it’s almost next year.” Mac sat quickly and asked, “Wait, did you use my goddamn toothbrush, Charlie?”

“Yeah, what else was I supposed to do?”

“That’s disgusting! I have extras!” Mac shouted at him.

“What happened to being quiet?” Charlie shouted back with a shit-eating grin.

Mac groaned and flopped back onto the pillows. 

“Just get in bed, assshole.”

Charlie laughed and finished off his beer, putting it on Mac’s bedside table before crawling into the empty side of Mac’s bed. They both lay on their back, arms a few inches away from each other. Pointedly a few inches away. Painfully, pointedly a few inches away. They lay looking up at the ceiling. This was the first time they shared a bed since Mac came out. Neither of them knew who was making it weird, but it definitely felt weird.

After a moment of quiet, Charlie shifted towards Mac and said, “C’mon over here. You said you wanted someone to hold you tonight.”

“Actually, I said I wanted to hold someone tonight,” Mac said, but he turned to his side, facing Charlie fully, and let his head rest on Charlie’s shoulder as Charlie wrapped an arm protectively around Mac.

“Yeah, but this is cool.”

“Yeah, this is really nice,” Mac whispered. 

And there was something in his voice that Charlie picked up on. Charlie knew he was stupid, but there were a few things he was smart about. He was smart about killing rats and getting high and cleaning bathrooms. But he was also smart about his friends and the people he loved. He knew what they needed, even when they didn’t know. He knew what they didn’t want to want. He sometimes even thought he could read their minds, although he’d never say that because that would totally freak them out. But he definitely sensed some sort of sadness in Mac’s voice.

“Fuck it, wild card!” Charlie said to himself in a too-loud-to-be-a-whisper sort of whisper.

“What?” Mac asked, but with his mouth open as he tried to ask, Charlie planted a quick kiss on Mac’s lips. It was one of those kisses that are so quick that they kind of hurt and make your lips press into your teeth and you’re sort of afraid you’ll get a bruise on your lips. With Mac’s half-open mouth, Charlie sort of felt Mac’s wet teeth and it was definitely kind of weird, but also definitely kind of nice.

“What the fuck was that?” Mac asked, tugging away quickly.

“It was wild card, dude!” Charlie answered defensively.

“You kissed me!”

“Yeah, wild card! You want a boyfriend, and like a boyfriend is like a friend that you love and you hold and you kiss! And I already love you and I was holding you, so I just wanted to seal the deal!’

“No.” Mac shook his head. He was sitting up fully now, not even touching Charlie anymore. “Just no, Charlie.”

“What? Why not?”

“Well, for one, you’re not gay.”

“Why not?”

“What does ‘why not’ even mean? You’re just not gay!”

“You don’t know that, man! I could have homophobes in my internals like you did!” 

Mac paused. He didn’t realize Charlie retained any of his drunken rants about internalized homophobia. He obviously didn’t really understand the meaning of the conversations, but he still listened, which was kind of nice. He shook his head to snap himself out of it and just repeated, “No, Charlie.”

“Okay, cool. No means no, I guess. I just figured, like, dude why not just be boyfriends? I mean, chicks haven’t worked out for me, and I do love you and I want you to be happy and have a boyfriend, so I could like totally be your boyfriend.”

“You’re drunk, dude.”

“Yeah? I’m always drunk, so what?”

“We’re not doing this. Let’s just go to sleep.”

“Okay, yeah. I won’t kiss you again.”

“Thanks,” Mac huffed. He laid back down, but he turned away from Charlie.

“Um. Goodnight.” Charlie said as he lay rigid on his back, eyes glancing over towards Mac, not risking turning towards him at all. He guessed he lost his chance at holding Mac for the night. That sucked. But no means no.

Mac stay laying stiff as a board on his side, blanket pulled close to himself. Charlie waited until he figured Mac was asleep (and although Charlie was pretty observant when it came to his friends, he didn’t notice that Mac was still stiff and very obviously not asleep because sometimes obvious things went over Charlie’s head) and started to toss and turn. There had to be some way to get comfortable in bed when you don’t really feel comfortable on the inside.

“Charlie, goddamnit!” Mac huffed after a few minutes of violent twisting and turning in the bed.

“I’m sorry,” Charlie grumbled as he sat up. “I’ll go lay on the couch.”

“No,” Mac said quickly, flipping to his other side in the blink of an eye, facing Charlie again. “Stay here. Just, don’t kiss me again.”

“But I can’t get comfortable!” Charlie groaned. 

Mac rolled his eyes before settling back onto Charlie’s chest, same position as just before they kissed. Charlie almost immediately relaxed and put his arm naturally around Mac again.

“You’re not gonna kiss me, right?”

“No man, I already said I wouldn’t,” Charlie mumbled.

“Okay, good. Then this is fine.”

“Yeah it is.”

“Goodnight, Charlie.”

“Night, Mac.” Charlie didn’t toss or turn at all throughout the night. Despite being wound up just moments before, he was asleep in just a few minutes. Mac didn’t take much longer. There was some turmoil inside of him over the kiss, some things he wasn’t ready to digest emotionally, but he couldn’t deny how comfortable he was right there and then. 


	6. Dee & Charlie get real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie does a walk-of-shame out of Mac's room. Goes out to breakfast w/ Dee and they talk about feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a p transitional chapter tbh.

Charlie woke up first in the morning, he was usually the one to wake up first between him and Mac. That’s only because Mac can sleep through anything and Charlie wakes up from any sounds around him if he doesn’t perform his nightly cat-food, glue-huffing routine.

He was a little hungover, but nothing he couldn’t deal with. His memories of last night almost immediately flooded in and he couldn’t help but feel embarrassment. Getting rejected was nothing new to Charlie, but getting rejected by Mac was different for some reason. Probably because he had to face Mac combined with the fear that Mac may tell their friends about the embarrassing kiss. Maybe it was something else. Probably not.

Regardless of what was making him feel so shitty about it, he decided sneaking out of bed and going to his apartment was the best plan of action. He could hear Dennis moving around in the kitchen and dreaded having to talk to him. He walked out of the bedroom and walked as quickly to the front door, but of course, Dennis heard him.

“Oh, it’s just you,” Dennis said, turning around from the coffee pot. “I thought maybe Mac got laid, you were some dude doing the walk of shame.”

“Oh, yeah, no I-” Charlie stammered with a forced laugh.

“It’s okay. I knew you were going to fail.”

“Then why’d you make me be the wingman! It’s not fair man! If any of us is a wingman, it’s you! Your sister’s a bird!”

“It’s whatever, I’m over the whole scheme,” Dennis shrugged and turned away from Charlie, pouring himself a mug of coffee.

Charlie groaned and threw himself out the door.

He went straight to the bar. He didn’t feel like dealing with questions from Frank. Plus, if Dee was there, he figured he’d wake her and the random girl up before the rest of the gang got there. He was gay embarrassed last night after trying to kiss Mac. Two members of the gang didn’t need to be gay embarrassed within twenty-four hours of each other.

When he got there, there were no signs of Dee in the main room. She did, however, clean up the broken glass and beer off the bar top, which was nice. He got started on cleaning. Maybe he’d leave before Mac showed up, unless something interesting was happening today. 

He cleaned the bathroom and the main bar floor, singing to himself as he worked, huffing bleach every so often. It was eleven, about time for the gang to start rolling in, when the office door opened. 

“Charlie? You’re already here?” a hung-over, frizzy-haired Dee asked as she tried to wind her alright tight jacket around herself, shoulders bending uncomfortably as she tried to cover her hands with the leather.

“Yeah, dude, when’d you get there?”

“I slept in there.”

“Is- uh- that chick in there?”

“No, guess she peaced out in the middle of the night.”

“Oh. Um. Did you get her number?”  
“No, I gave her mine. Wrong number.”

“Oh. That’s-”

“Do you want to get breakfast?”  
“Oh thank god, let’s go before anybody gets here!” Charlie was leaning heavily against the mop.

Dee drove them to breakfast. She turned the radio up and they pointedly avoided conversation about the night before. She drove them right back to the gayborhood. There were plenty of coffee shops. Sure, it was more expensive, but it was new territory. New territory meant they could throw away old habits. Plus, there was no chance of running into anybody they knew.

They ended up at a cafe so close to the club they were at the night before they could see it through the storefront window. The menu was expansive, and Charlie was disappointed to learn they did not have actual green eggs (he argued with the server for quite some time that it was called  _ Green Eggs Cafe _ , that meant they should have Green. Eggs.) Dee spent some time looking at the menu before ordering, but she kept the server at the table with them, waiting for her order.

Finally, they had coffee in front of them and were waiting for there meals.

“So, what the hell happened last night?” Charlie asked when they were finally settled and alone.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Dee shrugged, but her smile told a lot.

“First of all, yeah you do! Second of all, we watched you do the kissing!”

“Hey! I’m not on trial here! Why don’t you tell me what the hell happened with you last night?”  
“Me? Nothing!” Charlie shouted. They always ended up shouting.

“No? That’s bullshit! You practically jumped off of Mac when I came in last night!”

“Because we didn’t expect anybody to be coming in!”

“No, no. I felt something... “ Dee trailed off. “You seemed extra gay for Mac last night.”

“ _ Extra  _ gay for Mac? What, like I’m normally gay for him?”

“Of course you are! All three of you assholes are gay for each other, but you’re definitely most gay for Mac!”

“No, no! I’m not gay at all!”

“Then why are you getting so defensive?”

“Because this isn’t about me! I’m not the one who banged a lesbian in the bar last night!”

“Fine!” Dee huffed and shook her head. She lowered her tone as she continued, “Yeah, I banged the girl. Yeah, it was awesome. Better than any dude I’ve banged. But I don’t know if I’m gay.”

“Then what? Bi or tri or something?”

“I don’t know, she was the first chick I banged.”

“Do you love her?”

“I barely remember her first name!”

“So? I loved the waitress before I knew her name.”

“You still don’t know her name, and you know that weird thing you had didn’t count as love.”

“I do too know her name, and our love was  _ real _ . It just didn’t work out.”

“What’s her first name, Charlie? Huh? If you’re so in love with her, what’s her name?”

“Uh. The?”

“You’re a fucking moron.”

“Whatever! Fine! Maybe I didn’t love her, but I was just asking if you loved that lady!”

“No, Charlie. I don’t love a chick I just met last night whose name I don’t know.”

Charlie shrugged and took a long sip of his coffee.

“But you love Mac.”

“No. I mean, yeah, but like, no. I’m straight.”

“I thought I was too, but I had a fun time being gay last night.”

“It’s not like I could date Mac even if I was gay.”

“Why not?”

Charlie shrugged and looked up at the ceiling as he thought before answering, “I don’t know man. He’s my best friend. He definitely doesn’t see me that way. I’m probably just like a weird, gross, stupid brother to him. Plus, he loves Dennis. So like, what’s it even matter?”

“You’d be way better for him than my shithead brother.”

“I don’t think I’m good for anybody.”  
Dee rolled her eyes and shook her head, “You really are a moron if you think that.”

“Shut up, you stupid bird!”

“Watch it, I’m buying you breakfast, remember?”

“You called me a moron!”

“Because you are!”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Whatever, probably. And you’re gay for Mac.”

Charlie huffed and tugged at his hair in frustration. He took in a slow, deep breath trying to calm himself.

“Listen, just, don’t tell anybody I’m gay for Mac. I’m not, but the last thing I need is you and Dennis and Frank all talking behind my back about me being gay even though I’m not.”

“Fine, just make sure you and Mac don’t tell everybody who I brought home last night.”

“Well we gotta get back to the bar before Mac gets there then.”

“Fine.” Dee snapped her fingers until their server begrudgingly came over. She ordered him to make their food to-go, when it was ready they got back in Dee’s car and went straight back to the bar.

 


	7. Charlie in the Basement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie rushes to the bar to talk to Mac, but it doesn't go too well.

Charlie was out of Dee’s car before she even came to a full stop, he had worked himself up so much about Mac telling Dennis about Dee, which would have felt like a betrayal to the secret gay union he had formed over breakfast, or worse about the kiss last night. When he burst through the door, he immediately noticed Dennis, leaning too close to Mac at a high-top table, both of them caught in some sort of intimate conversation until Charlie shouted with his entrance.

“Mac! Basement! Now!”

Both Mac and Dennis reacted quickly. Dennis’ first instinct was to stretch his spine out, sitting up straight and away from Mac, as if he had never been leaned in close to Mac in the first place. Mac, on the other hand, whipped his head towards the door, as if he were caught doing something he shouldn’t have been, eyes big and worried.

Charlie only really noticed Mac’s eyes. Mac was talking about last night, at least one of the things that Charlie didn’t want him to be talking about. Charlie almost immediately thought so.

“Basement!” Charlie screeched.

“Dude, what's going on?” Mac asked, jumping off his seat to follow Charlie.

“Uh- big rat business I gotta deal with today. Need your help to back me up,” Charlie mumbled, thinking of the lie as they started down the stairs. 

“Charlie, I don’t want to deal with you-”

Mac turned to get Dennis to back him up, but Dee had already marched into the bar and the two of them were engaged in a frustrated conversation that Mac couldn’t quite here. Charlie cut him off by grabbing his hand and tugging him down the stairs, Mac was nearly tripping down the steps. 

Once they were in the basement, Charlie kept his hand around Mac’s, pulling him as far away from the stairs as possible- he didn’t want anybody to hear them.

“Charlie, you’re all sweaty and gross!” Mac said as he tugged his hand away from Charlie. “What the hell is this about? There’s no goddamn rat problem!”

“No, no, there’s totally not, it’s way more serious!” Charlie said, a look of grave seriousness in his eyes.

“What’s this about? Dude, forget last night, we were drunk and-”

“Did you tell Dennis?”

“Did I tell Dennis? Of course I didn’t tell Dennis, you Jabroni!”

“Well, just, don’t! About me or Dee!”

“Oh, I totally told him about Dee!”

“You asshole!”

“How am I an asshole?”

“You used to be pissed when we called you out as gay before you were gay!”

“Because I was dealing with some serious shit, Charlie. God and my dad and shit, Dee just banged a chick!”

“I think she’s dealing with shit too!”

“Charlie, it’s Dee! She doesn’t matter!”

“She does right now!” 

“Why? Why the hell does Dee matter? She never matters!”

“Because she knows I’m gay!”

Mac balked at that. For the first time since they started shouting in the dark basement, there was a moment of pause. Charlie’s face was still flushed red and his brows drawn together, as if he were mid-shout. He seemed frozen with frustration, except when Mac focused on Charlie’s hands, which were shaking subtly. Maybe with anger. Maybe something else.

“You’re … you’re not…”

“I don’t know!” Charlie sighed heavily and looked away from Mac, his brows going back to a relaxed state, his eyes down at the ground, which he kicked at with his foot. “I’m not gay. I mean, like, I don’t watch gay porn, and like I used to love the Waitress, but like, I’m kinda gay, maybe, like for you.”

“I um…” Mac looked up towards the ceiling, he perked his head up and said, “I think Dennis is calling me, I gotta go!”

“I don’t hear anything.”  
“He totally is, I… We’ll talk about this later!”

With that, Mac ran up the stairs. Charlie could hear his steps, quick and loud. Two at a time. One-two, one-two. Charlie counted the steps he could hear in sets of two. Way easy to count to. He then heard two sets of footsteps towards the front of the bar. Mac probably told Dennis they had to leave. Mac was probably telling Dennis all about Charlie being gay for him. Dennis and Mac were probably laughing at Charlie right now.

Charlie didn’t care, though. There was a lot of fun shit in this basement. The carbon monoxide made his head hazy. There was tons of glue and spray paint to huff. Plenty of rats to beat the shit out of. He wasn’t feeling any sort of way about Mac’s reaction. He was fine. He was alone in this basement doing all of the Charlie-things his Charlie-heart desired. It was fine.

Dee didn’t come down to the basement to check on him. Frank didn’t either when Charlie heard Frank walking through the bar door, whining to Dee about nobody being around. Nobody checked on him. That was fine with Charlie. Charlie didn’t care. He was having plenty of fun huffing and bashing and being alone in the basement. 


	8. Chrundle The Great Vs Pussy Hands Wrestling Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> charlie gets all worked up in the basement alone and ends up taking his frustrations out on mac

Some time passed. Charlie was unsure of how much. He considered seeing how long he could stay in the basement without anybody noticing. How long could he survive? A day? Two days? A week? There were still some pickled eggs in the bunker. And Charlie was great at rationing and surviving. Maybe he could last a whole month. Would anybody care to find him?`

When he heard Frank and Dee and Mac and Dennis all arguing or laughing or both upstairs. He felt curious and left out enough to forget about his indulgent self-pitying plan of hiding out in the basement as long as possible. He dragged his feet up the stairs with soft thumps. His head was still pretty hazy and he was off balance, he kept his head down as he entered the bar, trying to avoid any comments about his reentrance.

“Ayyyy, Charlie, got that serious rat business figured out, buddy?” Dennis commented as soon as he saw Charlie.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Charlie shouted at him, head whipping up, eyes burning into Dennis.

“Woah, woah, woah, easy there buddy,” Dennis said, lifting up his hands as if to tame a wild animal. The fucking audacity of Dennis. Charlie could just feel the mockery. Of course Mac told him about the kiss and gay confession and of course this is just Dennis’ way of mocking him. “I was just checking, you were down there a while.”

“Yeah, because I’m the only one who does any goddamn work around here!” Charlie shouted. He grabbed a beer roughly from the bar cooler, letting the cap fall freely on the floor. It’s not like anybody else would have to clean it up anyway, of course that was Charlie work. Everything was Charlie work.

“You feeling alright, Charlie?” Dennis asked, a little quieter.

“I’m perfectly fine,” Charlie grumbled as he took a seat at the bar. He was on the opposite end as everybody else. Dee and Dennis sat next to each other, Mac between Dennis and Frank. Charlie was at least five very pointed seats away from Dee.

“You don’t seem alright, Challie” Frank said. He was the only one who seemed genuinely unaware of what may be bothering Charlie. Mac and Dee were looking at him like he was holding a grenade. Dennis sort of looked as confused as Frank, but Dennis was pretty good at lying. 

“Yeah, maybe you inhaled too much of the carbon monoxide down there,” Dennis answered, “You might want to go get some fresh air.”

“Oh yeah! Send me out of the bar! Make me go walk home alone so all of you can keep talking shit on me!” Charlie shouted, he slammed his beer down, not quite hard enough to break the bottle, but almost. 

“Charlie, that’s not what-”

“Of course not!” Charlie huffed, he stood up, the tall bar stool falling to the ground with a large crash behind him. He ignored the crash and started storming towards the door.

The rest of the gang went silent and then at the same time, Mac and Dee said, “I’ll-”

“No, nobody come with me, keep talking about me behind my back!” Charlie screamed, not bothering to break his stride or turn around. He was out the door before he even finished his last words.

Charlie stomped hard into the cement. He only made it a few loud, cathartic steps away from the bar when he heard the patter of heavy boots jogging on the pavement behind him to catch up. He didn’t slow down or turn, but still, Mac caught up to him.

“Hey, dude, wait up,” Mac said as he reached Charlie. “What the hell’s going on?”

“Don’t ask me what’s going on! You know what’s going on!” Charlie said, pushing Mac away from him slightly, still keeping his gaze on the ground.

“Don’t fucking push me! What the fuck is your problem, Charlie?” Mac shouted.

“I’ll do what I want!” Charlie said, breaking his eye-contact with the pavement to look at Mac with fire in his eyes. Pointedly, he shoved Mac again.

“Dude, I’m not trying to fight with you right now!” Mac shouted.

“Well I’m trying to fight with you!”

Charlie shoved Mac again. Anybody else, he would have punched, but this was Mac. He didn’t actually want to fight Mac. Plus, for the first time in their lives, Mac may actually be able to match him in a fight. Charlie still had the advantage of wildness on his side, but Mac had actual muscles now.

“Charlie!” Mac said, shoving him back. It was a gentle shove, a warning shove. Charlie knew that. He should stop, deep down, Charlie knew to stop. “Cut it out!”

And of course, no matter what Charlie knew deep down, he couldn’t stop himself. He hated Mac trying to tell him to calm down in so many words. He hated the situation he was in. He hated that he was mad at himself and not at Mac. He hated that Mac was the only person he wanted to talk about the whole situation with, but how could he? He hated how humiliated and confused he was.

He rammed into Mac, both of them falling onto the concrete pavement with a grunt. The whole fight was ridiculous. No actual punches thrown, neither of them really had much heart in the fight. There was a lot of awkward, poorly performed wrestling moves that came back with muscle memory from their teenage years. They went on for some time, rolling on the pavement, ignoring the aches in the muscles and the scrapes and the gazes of passing foot traffic. The whole time, they were grunting quietly, not even shouting angry words at one another.

Eventually, they just sort of stopped. Charlie rolled off of Mac, they both laid on the pavement, looking up at the sky, catching their breath. Of course, Charlie would say that Mac had seemed winded and limp and therefore Charlie declared himself the winner and stopped the action. Mac, on the other hand, would of course claim that Charlie gave up, making Mac the winner. The truth was, it was barely a fight and they both sort of lost the wind that wasn’t there in the first place.

“That was dumb as shit,” Mac said between labored breaths. 

Charlie looked over with a glare, ready to insight another fight, but he saw Mac’s smile. It was big and goofy, but not the kind of smile that’s laughing at somebody. It was a content smile.

“Yeah, yeah it was,” Charlie laughed, he gently elbowed Mac and said, “Your headlocks are still as shitty as they used to be.”

“Hey! My headlocks are awesome!” Mac said, his voice was loud and passionate, but his usual anger didn’t follow. He was still smiling. 

“Eh, needs some work,” Charlie said with a shrug. He let his hand drift closer to Mac’s, just close enough to brush against his skin. He thought about how nice holding Mac’s hand would be right now, but he quickly propped himself on his elbow to sit up and asked, “Should we go back inside?”

“No, fuck them,” Mac laughed. “Where were you gonna go?”

“I dunno, I was pissed, I was just gonna walk.”

“Well I don’t feel like walking nowhere. Wanna just go back to your place?”

“Yeah, man, we can pop in some Project Badass, make some grilled Charlie’s, it’ll be the shit.”

“Let’s do it,” Mac agreed.

And suddenly, both men were on their feet, bouncing along the sidewalk as they walked to Charlie’s place. Charlie put his hands in his pockets, he didn’t want to think about holding Mac’s hand, so he played with the lint in his pockets instead. Mac was smart (or maybe nice) enough not to bring up whatever was pissing Charlie off, and Charlie didn’t bring up their conversations from before. Instead, they started to praise aspects of their fight, making up names for their poorly executed wrestling-moves, remembering the good old days of when they wrestled in school, talking up how badass they both were.

In one sense, it was the same as always, as if nothing other changed. On the other hand, Charlie couldn’t help thinking about wanting to Mac’s hand the whole walk back, and he knew secretly, that things were different now and that they may never be the same again. He wondered if Mac knew that too.


	9. Grilled Charlies, XTREEM BADAZ, & the thematic continuation of ignored feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie & Mac go back to Charlie's apartment and a small fire starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a lil chapter to get me back in the swing of writing this fic, ima finish it at some point, i promise.

“Alright, let’s fuck shit up, bro!” Mac said as he followed Charlie into the disgusting apartment. 

“You pop in one of your classics, I’ll start on the sandwiches! Wanna get us some beers? They’re under the bed to keep them cool!” 

“Why the hell aren’t they in the fridge to keep them cool? Who keeps shit under their bed to keep it cool?” Mac asked, although he was already kneeling on the dirty floor, pushing trash and dirty socks out of the way, trudging through the mess to find a case of beer Charlie had stowed away half-under the futon.

“Eh, it’s a whole big thing, but listen, the cheese for the grilled Charlies is in this fridge and that’s all that matters, man! Pop on some Project Badass!” Charlie shouted as he rooted through the fridge, letting ingredients that were of no use to him fall to the ground.

“Did you make your own tape?” Mac asked as he popped the cap off his beer and leaned towards the VHS player hooked up to the small TV, where he saw a tape half-expelled from the VHS player, with “XTREEM BADAZ” written, clearly in Charlie’s handwriting.

“Naw, man, I just watch what you give me,” Charlie called as he lit the gas stovetop, not bothering to look over his shoulder.

Charlie had to be lying, so Mac popped in the tape. He sat on the edge of the futon, not immediately recognizing the tape. When he did, he gasped, covering his mouth. Charlie glanced over after hearing Mac gasp, and immediately ran to the TV.

“Shit dude, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-” Charlie muttered as he put his hand over the power button.

“No, leave it on,” Mac said quietly. “How did you get this tape?”

“Frank took it from the prison,” Charlie admitted. “I’m sorry for watching it, I just.’

“You watch it?” Mac asked. “You really think  _ this  _ is badass?”

“Yeah man, it’s the most badass video of you ever,” Charlie said quietly, sitting down beside Mac, reclined slightly more than Mac, who was leaning forward, muscles frozen with strained tension.

Mac didn’t respond, Charlie didn’t elaborate. They sat in an uncharacteristic five minutes of silence, both enthralled in Mac’s dance for separate reasons. When Luther walked out of the room, Charlie’s fingers curled tightly around the sleeve of his hoodie and Mac started to cry. Not loud, sobbing tears, but the quiet tears that roll down your cheek and drip off of your chin. By the end, Charlie’s eyes were filled with tears. He’d seen the video enough times that he didn’t quite cry too often when watching it, but it still moved him in a way he didn’t think possible anymore.

“Shit,” Mac whispered as the video turned to static. “I can’t believe you have this.”

“I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean to like evade your space or whatever, I just-”

“No, no. It’s fine,” Mac answered, he didn’t look away from the TV. He didn’t want Charlie to see the tears in his eyes, although his voice was betraying him. “I just can’t believe you care about it.”

“Of course I do, dude, you’re my best friend. I care about you. This was important to you. It’s important to me too.”

“You’re my best friend too, man. I’m sorry-” Mac cut himself off, looking around the room with confusion. “Do you smell smoke?”

“Fuck! Shit!” Charlie shouted, jumping up to run to the stove. He and Frank had a huge bowl of baking soda on the floor for such instances, He threw the whole bowl atop the flame, smothering it quickly. He turned off the burner and looked at Mac with a goofy smile. “Sorry man, looks like we’re not having grilled Charlie’s.”

“We almost had a crispy Charlie,” Mac laughed at his own joke.

“Well, I mean, yeah, but like, we totally can’t eat it now.”

“Not what I meant.”

“Well what did you mean?”

“Eh, that’s not important. Wanna go to my place and see if we can put something together there?”

“Yeah, but I swear to god, if you make mac and cheese, I’m leaving.”

“But it’s famous!”

“Famous at being annoying.”

“If anything’s famous for being annoying, it’s you.”

“Shut up, asshole, let’s go, the whole apartment smells like fire now.”

“You love fire!”

“I love setting trash on fire, not food.”

And just like that, they were on their way, ignoring their feelings once again as they walked side-by-side down the familiar streets. As they walked, Charlie noticed how natural it felt to ignore the feelings he had on the inside. Maybe nothing was different, maybe this was how it had always been.


	10. charlie's sad and goes to dee for even more advice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Dee-Charlie friendship heavy chapter. 
> 
> first half's super sad tho, specially if u been in that gay ass "i love this person but gotta just shove it down for our friendships' sake" mood before. 
> 
> also Dee and Artemis banged because they absolutely should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you's think I'd never update this fic? I sure didn't expect myself to!!!! lmao enjoy!!!

Charlie did a good job of filling the empty air between them. He felt the nerves hopping around in the pit of his stomach, so instead of addressing it, he rambled on and on, giving Mac his opinion on everything and anything. On the walk, he discussed the pigeon-rat ecosystem in South Philly and about the oncoming Crow Migration he was sure was going to happen, discussing the implications that would have for Bird Lawyers in the upcoming year. At Mac and Dennis’ house, he gave Mac a thousand ideas on how to redecorate, commented on the grilled cheese Mac made- telling him how he could improve it, and made a lot of commentary on the movie. Charlie left no room for a change in the conversation, only pausing in his words when Mac was replying to one of Charlie’s chosen topics.

They laughed a lot, that was nice. And Charlie did a really good job of shoving all of his feelings down, even getting better at it with the more beer they drank. Mac huffed some glue with Charlie, felt like the old days. It was nice. It was fine. Charlie did not cry on the walk home. He did not go under the sewers to be alone before crawling back to his apartment at one in the morning, several hours after leaving Mac’s place. Charlie wasn’t feeling a feeling he hadn’t felt since he found out the Waitress banged Frank. No, Charlie was fine. They had fun that night!

And when he did come creeping home late at night to the tell-tale signs of a sock on the door and a drawstring bag, half-open with one sock in it (obviously rummaged through and stolen from) outside the door, he didn’t feel extra empty. Extra unwanted and alone, as if he had nobody in the world. He did, however, think long and hard about who else had nobody in the world- Dee! If he could stand anybody seeing him in his current state, it was Dee. 

He showed up, not too long before three in the morning, no call or text in warning, just knocking hard on Dee’s door.

“Charlie? What a welcome surprise,” Artemis answered the door with a big smile, in the same robe he’d seen her wearing at his and Frank’s apartment countless times.

“Artemis? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh me?” she said dramatically flipping her hair, “I just finished pleasuring Deeandra, you see, she had called me about her little  _ experimentation, _ and Frank has been banging this one whore so consistently that I wanted to make him jealous. I decided, since she’s his daughter, that’s a great way to get back at him. And I thought she’d be into the same freaky shit he is. Unfortunately, she-”

“Ew! Gross!” Charlie shouted, too loud for the hallway of an apartment at three in the morning. “I don’t care, I don’t care! Can I just come in, I need some place to sleep.”

“Only if you tell Frank you saw me here,” Artemis said, lifting her eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. Is Dee up?”

“She is, she’s in the bedroom,” Artemis shrugged, “I was just about to smoke some angel dust in the living room, would you want to join?”

“Actually, not this time. Ask me again later, though,” Charlie said. He pushed passed Artemis and waltzed into Dee’s room, who was in her pajamas, writing in what looked to be a journal.

“Jesus Christ, Charlie!” Dee shouted, slamming the notebook shut. “Why the hell are you here?” 

“Frank was banging a whore. Can we talk?”

“No, Charlie, we can not talk! Do not tell anybody that Artemis was over here!”

“I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna, Dee, but I’m freaking out!”

“Freaking out? What about? Me banging Artemis?”

“No, Dee, I’m in love with Mac, you were right, and like he totally doesn’t love me, and it’s gonna be the Watiress all over again, but it’s gonna be worse because Mac’s like my best friend in the whole wide world!”  
“Mac’s your best friend? I clearly remember being the first person you came out to about-”

“Dee! Shut it! You’re not my best friend, I just don’t have anybody else to talk to about this!”

“Oh, so you’re just using me?”

“Can you help me or not?”

“No, Charlie, I can’t help you. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Once you’re in love with somebody, you become crazy. Actually...  Mac  _ is _ a hopeless romantic, so that may actually work out. That is, if he can get his head out of Dennis’ ass long enough to realize how much you like him.”

“So get Mac away from Dennis’ ass is what you’re saying? How often is Mac near Dennis’ ass?”

“Holy shit, Charlie, are you serious right now? Are you being serious?”

“I’m freaking out, Dee!”

“Listen, all you got to do is get Mac to realize he loves you. So… I mean, you can’t follow Dennis’ lead, not really. He uses a weird codependent balance of making Mac feel important and needed while also making it clear to Mac that he doesn’t need him. That’s not really your style. And you can’t do what you did with the waitress, you’re not gonna be giving Mac babies anytime soon,” Dee sighed. “I don’t know, Charlie. I’ve only seen you stalk somebody into love.”

“So, I’m hopeless?” Charlie asked, shoulders falling in defeat. “I can’t get Mac to love me back?”

“I didn’t say that,” Dee said, voice softer, showing a moment of true sympathy for him. “You’ve just got to do it in a uniquely you way. But listen, it’s three in the morning. Can we please, for the love of god, talk about this tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna go smoke PCP with Artemis.”

“You know what? I don’t care, just get out of my room.”


	11. an extremely decent proposal (a soft platonic charden moment where they actually discuss feelings)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee and Charlie have hatched a plan. Charlie checks that Dennis is okay with Charlie pursuing Mac before setting it up tho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When life gives you hypomania, update ancient fics!!

Dee helped him with the idea. He needed to get the rest of the gang on his side. Frank would be easy to convince, after Mac's dance he was actually very accepting and open, even if he still said dumb shit about gay people by accident sometimes. Dennis, on the other hand, made him nervous. Everybody knew Mac and Dennis' relationship was… weird.

 

He got Dennis in the back office while Dee and Mac were scheming- a scheme that Dee made up to distract Mac. She promised the two of them would be out of the bar for at least a few hours today.

 

"Is this about that your stupid scheme to get Mac laid?" Dennis groaned as soon as the door was shut. "I told you, I'm over that, I've moved past it."

 

"No, well, kind of. I… I um," Charlie sighed, shoulders slumping. "Listen, your my friend, right?"

 

Dennis leaned against the office desk as Charlie stood in front of the door. Dennis rose his eyebrow and shamelessly let his eyes roam up and down Charlie's stature, Charlie could feel Dennis analyzing him, which just made him more self conscious. But he did trust Dennis, they were friends- best friends!

 

Dennis smiled warmly, his inspecting eyes finally reaching Charlie's face and making eye contact, "Of course we're friends, don't even ask that. What's wrong, pal?"

 

Charlie's hands clasped in front of himself, wringing his fingers, doing little to alleviate his nerves. 

 

"So like… Mac, he's gay, yeah?" Charlie asked. When Dennis nodded, Charlie continued, "Well I'm not, duh, 'cause I used to love the waitress. But like… I know there's a lot of different ways to be gay, and I think maybe I'm like a different type of gay, like bis or tri or like heartsexual or something, because I think I love him now."

 

"You love him?" Dennis asked, his words very slow and tone very even. He wanted to dig into what Charlie meant about his sexuality, but he would work through that another time.

 

Charlie shrugged, still fiddling with his fingers. "I think so man. I mean, why not? I mean, he's my best friend, beside you, and I like hanging out with him and being around him and he's been making my stomach all nervous, the way the waitress did at first but even better, and I… Well, nevermind. I just like him."

 

"What else?" Dennis asked, smiling a little, inviting. "I know you're holding out on me, buddy."

 

"Well, I tried to kiss him, and like, it felt really good, dude," Charlie sighed.

 

"Well, good for you dude, are you asking how we can get you two banging?" Dennis asked.

 

"Not everything's just about banging!" Charlie huffed, raising his hands in frustration, throwing them down for emphasis.

 

"Okay, whatever, get with him," Dennis corrected. "You want help?"

 

"Well, I don't need a lot, I've got a plan. I just wanted to see you were cool with it."

 

"Cool with it? What, am I Mac's dad, you asking for his hand?" Dennis laughed, rolling his eyes.

 

"Dude, don't make me explain it," Charlie huffed. "You know why I'm asking."

 

Dennis crossed his arms and looked at Charlie. Charlie felt like he was looking right through him, past the door, somewhere far away. 

 

Dennis spoke quietly, his smile dropping. His shoulders were still stiff, but he seemed a little less… self-controlled. "Charlie, I'm not gonna make you say it, and I'm not gonna say it either. You and Mac, you're my best buddies, you know? Three amigos, remember?"

 

Charlie nodded.

 

"Well, then this is the first time in my life I'll be this sincere and unselfish. Don't count on it happening again, either, but Charlie-" Dennis sighed and shook his head. He was unsure if Dennis was acting, but it did feel sincere. "Listen, both of you, you got a shit hand in life. I mean, my life hasn't been perfect, but least you and Mac are still good people, kind of. Me, I'm indisputably not a good person. At least you two could make each other happy, actually happy, not just boosted ego and sense of control happy."

 

Charlie sort of got it. He listened carefully and asked, "Yeah, but you're not gonna get like, jealous?"

 

"I'm not gonna take it out on you, or Mac, I swear, man," Dennis answered.

 

Charlie nodded slowly, shoving his hands in his pocket and smiling a little, "You really think I'd make Mac happy?"

 

"Yeah, buddy, I do. If you  _ were  _ asking for his hand, I'd give my approval," Dennis smiled. As Charlie started to grin, Dennis looked serious again and added, "Listen, all this feelings talk, didn't go down this way, cool? I'm still heterosexual, there's no reason for me to be jealous of you, got it?"

 

Charlie shrugged, still grinning. "Sure, sure. You're straight, Dee's straight, and I'm in straight love with Mac, sure."

 

"What was that about Dee?" Dennis asked, looking both confused and amused, the way his nose and eyes wrinkled but lips smiled.

 

"Eh, nothing," Charlie said, hand out of his pocket so he could wave the thought away. "Listen, Dee and Mac have got to be out of the bar by now. We only have a few hours to set everything up, I'm gonna need you and Frank to help."

 

"Frank knows?" 

 

"Not yet, he'll be fine though, he might not want Mac to sleep over at our place, though."

 

"Mac probably won't want to sleep at your place," Dennis laughed. 

 

Charlie shrugged and opened the office door, a weight lifted off his shoulders. Now it was time to get pumped!


	12. charlie asks mac out <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie schemes with the gang and they actually listen to him so he can ask Mac out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft & sweet my dudes.

With Frank and Dennis helping, it was hard to convince them to let Charlie do things his way. They both were so convinced that they knew how to woo and charm and bang. Charlie freaked out on them a few times, but with nothing to hold over their heads it didn’t help much. Eventually, he started to threaten not to invite either of them to his and Mac’s future wedding, which had more of an impact than he expected. 

He knew how he wanted this. Frank and Dennis thought it should be big, like his first marriage proposal to Waitress. Charlie didn’t want that, though. Mac deserved something private and thoughtful, something intimate and passionate. He didn’t want to be showy for Mac, he wanted to be honest.

The setting was a big debate, too. Charlie suggested the sewers, that was shot down quickly. Dennis and Frank both suggested the bar, which Charlie shot down, knowing they would be invasive. They also both suggested their perspective apartments; Dennis shot down Frank and Charlie’s, Charlie shot down Dennis and Mac’s. All of the alleyways and streets and buildings that meant something to Charlie and Mac from childhood to now was suggested, each shot down.

That’s how Charlie ended up here. Dennis and Frank did a good job of getting shit ready, pulling strings and making calls, ignoring speed limits and logical limitations until everything was set up perfectly. Stolen electricity, minor breaking and entering, and all necessary props were acquired. Charlie did the grunt work. He was a little dirtier than he wanted to be for the occasion after setting everything up, but if Mac did want to be with him, Charlie hoped Mac would want to be with him for  _ him _ not how clean he was on the day he asked him out.

Dennis sent a text out to Dee.

Charlie was sitting outside in the cold, trying not to shiver. He was waiting for a text from Dee to tell them they were close. He was nervous she’d crew it up, he just hoped it wasn’t too bad.

He got the text. That was the cue. He started to play the keyboard that Frank and Dennis had set up attached to a long extension cord, running above him. Despite the dim lighting, he was able to place his fingers on the appropriate keys with muscle memory. The familiar tune echoed slower and softer than he’d ever played it, but he liked it. Especially in the acoustics of his new venue.

“What is that?” Charlie heard Dee nearly shouting, acting so painfully bad it almost distracted him from his playing. “Where’s that coming from, Mac?”

“What is this, Dee? I thought we were gonna eat, I’m starving, I can’t believe you threw my goddamn hoagie on the ground earlier!”

“Well maybe that music’s coming from a swanky restaurant!” she shouted.

“Dee? Where are we? Where is that? Is that… What’s that song? It sounds familiar.”

“Oh, I think it’s coming from behind that gated area,” Dee said, their voices were approaching.

“Is this the abandoned pool that Jamie Nelson died in?”

“I don’t think so, I bet you it was gentrified into a restaurant, let’s check it out.” 

“This can’t be a-”

Charlie heard them approaching even closer. He began singing softly, singing about The Dayman. This version was a little jazzier than usual, spoke about The Nightman a little less. Focused on the Dayman’s qualities- master of karate, master of friendship, full of pride and full of love.

“Charlie?” Mac called, walking a little closer to the pool. He peeked over the edge to see Charlie. 

Charlie was sitting towards the front of the pool, close to where their memorial of Jamie Nelson used to be. Overtop the memorial was a white sheet, onto which a projector played a slideshow of Charlie and Mac. Some of the pictures were from when they faked their death, but it also had silent clips of different videos they’d made throughout the years, even back in middle school, and updated pictures as well as older ones from their childhood. Interspersed were different clips from Mac’s various project badass tapes and his dance at the prison. 

“What’s this?” Mac laughed, he turned behind him to look to Dee, who had already successfully run away. 

Towards the center of the pool was a table, candle lit, with two tupperware containers of mac ‘n’ cheese sat next to plastic forks a case of beer between the meals. Charlie just kept singing, looking up at Mac, smiling proudly as he sang.

Mac looked at the ladder that had been placed by the front of the pool- Frank and Dennis were able to successfully get a ladder- and slowly started to climb down it. Charlie reached the conclusion of his song as Mac approached the bottom of the pool.

“What’s this?” Mac repeated when he walked across the pool to Charlie. 

“I didn’t know how to say it with words, so I sung it,” Charlie told him, standing up behind the keyboard with a shrug.

“So what exactly are you trying to tell me?” 

“I didn’t want you to be the Dayman in the musical for no reason,” Charlie explained, “You are sort of like my Dayman, man.”

“So that song’s about me?”  
“Sort of, yeah. I mean, yeah, it is.”

“So what are you telling me?” Mac repeated.

“I think I love you, man. Like I think I actually love you.”

“Are you just saying this because-”

“No,” Charlie said quickly. “I’m not just saying this because anything, I’m saying this because I think I really do love you.”

“And so… this….” Mac gestured to the table, the projector, the pool in general. 

“This is me asking if you want to try a date with me.”

“Down here? In the pool?”

“Yeah, I made mac ‘n’ cheese. It may be sort of cold, but we kept it in tupperware, it could still be kind of warm.”

“You really want to try a… a date?”

“Yeah man, I think I want to date you. I mean, if you want to date me. If it’s too weird, if you don’t like me, or don’t want to like me, it’s cool. I’ll take no, I promise, I won’t go crazy on you. If I learned anything from the Waitress, it’s that you probably want love to happen the normal, real way.”

“Okay,” Mac said, smiling widely, looking back over at the table, and then at the projector, eyes freezing on the changing pictures.

“Really?” Charlie asked, grinning proudly.

Mac’s eyes slowly left the screen, going back to Charlie’s face. His own smile mirrored Charlie’s.

“Yeah, I mean, you went through all this. This is the sweetest, coolest way somebody ever could have asked me out, I mean, it seems like you really want to try.”

“And you do too?”

“Of course, man. I mean, who better to date than my best friend?”

“You mean it, man?”

“Do I mean it? Hell yeah, I mean it, Charlie! You’re my best friend, I already love you, dating you would be so badass.”

“It will be, I promise!” Charlie said, he stepped from behind the keyboard and grabbed Mac’s hand, pulling him over to the table they’d set up earlier that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's gonna be another chapter or two after this for some falling action.


	13. charlie & mac gush to their roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what the title says. just some falling action.

“Jesus Christ, Cha’lie!” Frank groaned, throwing the blanket off of himself, shuffling up from his stomach to his knees until he was standing, arms crossed over his chest in anger.

“Frank, I’m sorry! I’m sorry, man!” Charlie said, still laughing, he stood up from the floor, just to let his body fall back-down onto the bed with a flop.

“We haven’t played Night Crawlers in days, man! You’re abandoning me, Cha’lie!” Frank shouted at him, still standing. 

Charlie rolled onto his stomach, giggling into the pillows, before he lifted his head and looked over his shoulders to look at Frank, “Man, I’m sorry. I just… can you believe it?”

“Believe what? That you’re boning Mac?”

“I’m not boning him, man!” Charlie rolled back over to his back, hands folded on his chest as he looked up at the ceiling with a content sigh, “He’s my boyfriend, though!”

“Hey, you don’t gotta lie about boning him. You can still sleep here” Frank said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Mac taught me ‘bout the AIDs, I’m safe, he said. I don’t usually trust the man with science, but I trust him with gay shit.”

“Well I’m not boning him,” Charlie said definitively. “We kissed though! And it wasn’t gross, man! We kissed like a lot.”

“C’mon Cha’lie, I don’t need to hear about you two kissing.”

“Sorry, bud, I’m just really happy, I like, I love him, I think,” Charlie’s feet pushed at the blankets in the bed and he closed his eyes, still grinning wide.

“Well I’m happy you’re happy, and I’m happy Mac’s happy.” Frank said, finally settling into the bed, turning away from Charlie. “Hey, if either of you ever breaks the other’s heart, I’m gonna have to beat both of you up.”

“I think we’re safe, man,” Charlie said, rolling onto his side, deciding he should at least try to settle down to sleep. He’d get to see Mac tomorrow! His boyfriend!   


* * *

“I didn’t expect you to be home so soon,” Dennis said, looking up from the magazine he had in his lap towards the door.

“Oh yeah, man, I’m home,” Mac said with a shrug, unable to hide a wide smile. “Why’d you think I’d be gone?”

“I thought you’d be out gallivanting with Charlie, guess it didn’t go too well?”

“You knew about that?” Mac bit his lip to keep himself from grinning like an idiot as he walked to the fridge to get himself a beer.

“Yeah, of course I did,” Dennis shrugged. “Grab me one?”

“Well it did go well,” Mac said, joining Dennis with both beers in hand. “It went really well, man.”

“Then why didn’t you bring him home?”

“What dude?”

“Why aren’t you banging him right now?”

“It’s Charlie, man!”

“So you don’t want to date him?”

“I what? Of course I do! We are dating!”

“But you’re not banging?”

“It’s Charlie!”

“You know what? You’re both perfectly weird enough for each other.”

“We are, aren’t we?” Mac sighed, twirling his beer bottle in his hands.

“I hate that you took that as a compliment,” Dennis rolled his eyes. “But I’m happy for you, man.”

Mac lifted his eyes up and looked over at Dennis, smile dropping just a little, brows raised. “Yeah man?”

“I am, dude.”

“Cool, cool,” Mac let out a breath of relief. “Don’t we have a WWE fight on DVR we haven’t watched yet?”

“Oh shit, we do. Wanna check that out?”

“Let’s do it,” Mac said, he took a sip of his beer, relaxing back into the couch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some cute charmac being an established couple coming soon. i'm soft and love them.


End file.
